


Watcherland

by RaccoonInTheDaytime



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment
Genre: Ive been told this isnt crack so i wont call it that, My First Fanfic, There’s a fair amount of cursing in this, confused ryan, its the alice in wonderland au that no one asked for, more tags to come ig, not shyan yet but no promises, this was just an idea i had the other day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24477061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaccoonInTheDaytime/pseuds/RaccoonInTheDaytime
Summary: Unsolved carries Buzzfeed and Ryan falls down a Lewis Carroll-esque rabbit hole.These two things are not unrelated.Or; The Watcher Boys Alice In Wonderland au
Comments: 23
Kudos: 26





	1. The Hole in the Break Room Floor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.”  
> \- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

There was a hole in the break room floor. It hadn’t been there yesterday, and to the best of Ryan’s recollection, it hadn’t been there a few hours ago when he had last visited. But now, he stood, staring into a black, seemingly bottomless pit that was slightly to the left of the counter with the coffee maker.

The most confusing part of it all was the fact that he was apparently the only one who could see it. His coworkers moved about the room, going about their days as normal. None of them commenting on the _giant hole in the floor_. This observation, of course, led Ryan to the conclusion that it was only visible to him.

Brent walked past him, coffee in hand. Ryan stopped him by clearing his own throat.

“Do you see it?” His voice sounded tired, almost weak. It was more of an admission of defeat than it was a question. Brent looked at Ryan with a face that said he was more amused than concerned.

“See what, bud? S’there a ghost in here or something?” Brent chuckled to himself before ducking his head and attempting to meet Ryan’s eyes. Those eyes were still fixed on the hole, of course. They’d rarely left that spot since Ryan had entered, save for a few times they were drawn away by movement.

Lazily, Ryan held out a finger in the vague direction of the pit. Deep down, he knew pointing it out was no use. Brent did a thorough visual sweep of that side of the room, and Ryan appreciated it. _He’s still gonna think I’m crazy, though,_ Ryan thought. He sighed.

“I’m sorry, man. I got nothing. I don’t think there’s anything there.” Brent’s voice had a hint of concern laced within it. “Hey, did you get enough sleep last night? You look like you’ve been hit by a bus.” He was trying to catch Ryan’s eye again; Ryan saw it in his peripheral vision. But he felt too tired to meet Brent’s gaze, and thus continued to stare blankly across the room.

“Yeah.” He responded.

After a few seconds of skeptical silence, Brent nodded.

“Alright, well, if you need anything, you let me know, ok?”

More silence. Then:

“Ok.” Came the quiet response.

And with that, Brent left the break room.

\---

And then there were two.

The two, of course, being:

1\. An overly tired filmmaker and YouTube personality.

2\. An _actual void_ in a digital media workplace break room floor.

Ryan stared at the hole, blinking. The hole stared back, unblinking, because it was a hole and technically didn’t have eyelids. Or eyes. It was a hole, after all. But Ryan couldn’t help the feeling that he was being watched, whether by the hole or something else, he didn’t know.

Either way, it was unnerving, and Ryan was absolutely not here for it. Still, he felt his own curiosity draw him across the room. It was like the hole had developed its own gravitational force.

From this angle, Ryan was sure he should have been able to see the bottom. The break room was on the first floor, but he found it hard to believe that someone could dig a hole _that_ deep. Yet, there it was, humming a low note that Ryan had previously assumed was the air conditioning.

It was mesmerizing to look at. The longer he looked, the longer he felt he could continue to look. He could see everything, forever, it seemed, but at the same time could see nothing at all.

It felt warmer up close. Not uncomfortable. Not hot. Just... pleasant. Ryan couldn’t tell where his skin stopped and the air began. His brain hummed harmoniously with that of the pit.

He swayed. He rocked ever so slightly. He was a baby being swaddled by his mother as she lulled him to sleep. God, he was so tired. When was the last time he felt this at ease? This comfortable? Maybe if he just closed his eyes, just to rest them, he could--

And suddenly the ground was no longer beneath his feet. His warm blanket of air was ripped away from him a swiftly replaced with wind blowing up at him as he fell. As he fell? Was he falling? He felt his stomach drop. Oh, yeah. He was falling alright.

He couldn’t tell if he had already opened his eyes. Everything around him was pitch dark. He couldn’t see the ground that he was hurtling towards, but he knew he couldn’t fall forever. _Oh my God_ , he thought, _I'm gonna die_.

There was wind against his face and pressure on his front. If he didn’t know he was falling, he would have thought he was being blown upwards by some enormous fan. There was noise in his ears, loud enough to drown out any hope of a coherent thought. The only one that screamed loud enough in his head to be heard over what sounded like a train passing directly by him was “ _this is it. This is how I'm going to die._ ”

He had black in his vision and tears in his eyes. Trains in his ears and death in his head. He was sure this was it. He was sure this was it. He was sure this was--


	2. Spinning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " “Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
> 
> The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
> 
> “I don’t know,” Alice answered.
> 
> “Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?” "  
> \- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

Before him, as far as he could see, stretched a path so incredibly straight, it was like a line on a graph. He turned around, hoping to find a landmark denoting his location, but the path looked like it started directly where he was standing. The forest around him looked the same from every angle. 

_ Well, _ Ryan thought,  _ looks like this is my only  _ _ option _ , and thus set himself down the path. As he walked, he tried his best to work out how he got here. He remembered the break room. He remembered falling, closing his eyes, and opening them. Then he was here. It was such a quick turn of events that  Ryan found his memories of it began to  blend at their edges.  _ Did I close my eyes before I fell, or after? _

Ryan walked for what seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes, all the while hearing faint shouts. They sounded like fits of laughter or shrieks of excitement.  Ryan would have begun to head towards the noise if it didn’t sound like it was coming from a new location every time. He found it quite disorienting. 

Ryan paused for a moment, listening. He struggled to quiet the slowly building anxieties bouncing around in his skull. When he heard nothing, he looked down. It was supposed to be a quick, defeated glance , but instead,  Ryan did a double take. The path beneath him had vanished.

His stomach  flipped over . His heart began to pick up speed. He turned quickly around, resolving to follow the path back to  its start, but it wasn’t behind him either. 

Ryan was suddenly struck by the very peculiar thought that  maybe he hadn’t turned all the way around the first time and  _ that’s _ why the path  wasn’t there. He turned himself around again, taking  careful note of the ground and disturbing lack of a path. He was so sure he was walking down it a second ago. 

Then, he started to look at the trees. They stuck out of the ground at the same angle, like flagpoles, or pillars holding up the sky. They were almost linear in placement, giving  Ryan the eerie feeling that he was in a graveyard of sorts, gravestones protruding out of the ground, a hiding place for their inhabitants. 

Ryan was now dizzy, both from fear and from all the spinning he had just done. He looked around himself,  despondently , but the monotony of the forest assured him that he was  hopeless ly lost.

There was percussion in his chest and a hole in his gut not unlike the one he had fallen into  earlier that day. His head was  spinning, and the ground was shaking and getting closer and closer and closer and suddenly  his hands were in the dirt and the trees had gotten taller.  He dug his fingers into the earth, anchoring himself to the spot. He closed his eyes.  _ In and out _ , he thought as he breathed,  _ In… _ _ and out _ . 

When the  palpitations in his chest had finally leveled out to a steady tempo,  Ryan opened his eyes. He didn’t know what he expected to see—the forest still stretched out endlessly in every direction. 

_ Ok, _ he thought,  _ that’s ok. I can just— _ he go t up slowly , careful not to lose his balance again.  When  he was once again fully upright,  he put his arm out, pointing like an arrow, and  closed his eyes again.  He spun around once more, as he had recently grown so used to doing . When he stopped, he opened his eyes and walked in the  direction his hand was pointing.

Ryan was now sure he was completely off the path . He had no idea where he was going, and the trees that passed him never seemed to change.  However, much to his surprise and delight, the occasional  shrieks that were once in the distance, grew  infinitesimally  louder.

He was mulling over the volume of these outbursts when he almost ran  directly into a tree.  He didn’t know how he hadn’t seen it before ; It seemed to have simply appeared before him . It was large and gnarled and  stood out sorely from the linear forest around him.

He reached out and pressed his fingers against the bark. It was rough and ragged  under his touch. He  slowly  made his way around the tree , feeling each bump and knot in the wood.

Ryan ’s thoughts wandered back home. He wondered if anyone  there was wondering where he was.  _ He _ wondered where he was . 

His fingers dragged against the wood.  _ Does anyone miss me? Do they even notice  _ _ I’m _ _ gone? _ They caught on a particularly deep crack in the tree’s trunk.  _ How long have I been gone? Minutes? Hours?  _ _ … _ _ Days?  _ He hesitated at the implication of that last thought.  The crack in the wood was suspiciously straight,  like it  w as carved .  _ Am I even  _ _ really here _ _?  _ The pads of his fingers dragged along the crack.  _ What if  _ _ I’m _ _ dreaming this? _ Abruptly , it became a right angle. He followed it up absent-mindedly. _ Did I pass out?  _ The crack  was intercepted by another two lines.  _ Will I wake up  _ _ in the break room or in the hospital?  _ Those lines, too, were perfectly straight. They stuck out from the first line at  oppo sing 45-degree angles. An arrow.

Suddenly snapped out of his thoughts,  Ryan turned his head to look at the tree. Taking a few steps back, he saw that , accompanying the arrow, there were numbers. 

35, right arro w, 26, left arrow, 43 .

_ Directions?  _ Maybe. Only one way to find out. 

He stepped past the tree and began counting his steps. “1… 2… 3…”  In the distance, he heard another shout.  Definitely closer this time. Close enough to identify  as male, most likely. It was  low, but not aggressive.

“ 33… 34… 35 . ” Now, he spun on his heel and began to head right.  _ 26, then a left, _ he thought , and began counting again.

Another  exclamation came; a different voice from the first, he was sure of it. It sounded like hysterical laughter.  “16…17…”  What had the first man said that made the other laugh so much?

“26 .” He proclaimed confidently to no one.  Here, he turned left, took one step, and stopped. 

“ I t was  forty -something, I know.”  He paused.  _ Shit. What was it? _ He screwed his eyes shut, trying to picture the tree trunk again , but another shout, close enough to understand this time,  dispelled his thoughts like a stone in a pool.

“I bet he’s lost!” said the voice, followed by laughter. It didn’t  _ seem _ like cruel laughter , but the directness of the statement and the parallels to his current situation put  Ryan on edge.  Then:

“No, idiot , we gave him directions!” More laughter followed. 

_ Who knows I’m here? _

Spurred by a sudden bout of what was probably fear, but  Ryan preferred to call determination, he took a few more steps forward. He  had resolved in that split second to just keep walking in that direction until he found something. Or, hopefully, someone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooOOo cliffhanger?  
> kinda.  
> i wonder who those two voices could be...


	3. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " “But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.  
> “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here." "  
> \- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

“This is taking too long. You should just go find him. Poor guy’s 100% lost right now, I guarantee it.” 

_He's right_. 

“Ugh, _fine_. But you owe me if he’s not who we’re looking for.” 

_Who they’re looking for? What does that mean?_

_“_ He’s gotta be close, right? It’s not even that far of a walk. Go on, man.” 

_Should I wait here? Should I keep walking? Do they know I can hear them?_

These questions and more spun through Ryan’s brain as he grappled with the fact that he was not as alone in this strange place as he thought. Warily, he continued his walk. His pace was slower now, alert to any out of place noises around him. 

He heard faint birdsong, cicadas in the trees. Leaves rustling, the crunch of his footsteps echoing. 

_Do footsteps echo?_ He whirled around. 

Leaning up against a tree was an exceptionally tall man. He had a top hat that added at least a foot to his already tree-like stature, and his hair stuck out wildly from beneath the brim. He wore a coat that looked like it was made of maroon velvet, but from a distance, Ryan couldn’t completely tell. He would have looked like a story book character if not for the casual button-down and blue jeans he wore underneath. He was familiar, but Ryan couldn’t tell if he actually knew the man or if he just had one of those faces. 

“Howdy.” The man said, amused. That meant Ryan had been making a face. Oops. 

Ryan sputtered. “Shi- Uh, Hey. Um, Hey, man. Hi.” He responded, coolly. First impressions are important, you know. He cleared his throat and prayed his embarrassment wasn’t written all over his face. The look the tall man gave him told him otherwise. Great. Subject change, quick. “Nice, uh, top hat.” 

Nailed it. 

Top Hat pushed himself off the tree. 

“Thanks.” He began to circle Ryan slowly, like a shark, but if the shark was really tall and not actually that scary and also wore a top hat for some reason. 

“You’re shorter than I remember.” 

Ryan was taken aback. Shorter? Than he _remembers_ ? So Top Hat was rude _and_ cryptic. What a delightful combination. 

Ryan shook his head. “Sorry, I don’t know you.” He narrowed his eyes at the man before him, searching for something concrete in his face that he could recognize. Did he know him? No, right? 

Right? 

“Of course.” The tall man crossing his arms. He looked slightly... disappointed, maybe? Was that defeat? No, it couldn’t be. That wouldn’t make sense. 

“But you know me?” 

“Of course.” 

The statement was so matter-of-fact it almost infuriated Ryan. Could this guy at least be decent enough to speak in full sentences? Here Ryan was, in some completely new place with no idea how he got there or how he would get out, and all this guy has to say is “of course”? 

“Right. Of course,” Ryan repeated. 

With that, Top Hat began to walk away. Ryan watched him go. Was he supposed to follow him? He couldn’t imagine that the man would leave him stranded like this. 

As if he had read Ryan’s mind, the man turned. “Aren’t you coming?” 

Ah. So, he _was_ supposed to follow. Would have been nice if he was actually _told_ that though. 

Ryan nodded. He sprung forward in an attempt to keep pace with his extremely tall companion. 

There was a heavy silence that hung in the air as they walked. It felt like they were both on the verge of spilling the entire contents of their thoughts to each other, if only one of them would open their mouth. 

From the corner of his eye, Ryan saw the tall man’s eyes dart to the ground. He opened his mouth, about to speak, and then closed it. Disappointing. Looks like Ryan would have to carry the conversation. 

“So, uh,” He began. “You always wear that top hat?” 

Beside him, the tall man chuckled, the tension between them breaking. “Only on bad hair days.” He lifted the hat off his head, revealing an insane head of gravity defying brown hair. It stuck out at every angle and was two or three brushes away from being a full-on bird’s nest. He looked ridiculous. 

Ryan had to put a hand over his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud, but his shoulders bounced with mirth. “Those happen often?” 

The tall man swept that hat downward as he bowed. He looked up at Ryan, smiling, and raised his eyebrows as if to say _you have no idea._ There was a fleeting moment where Ryan wanted to reach out his hand to go and touch the head of unruly hair, but he stopped himself. That would be rude of him. And also, really weird. First impressions and all that. 

“It’s Shane.” 

Ryan blinked. “Who’s Shane?” 

Top Hat tilted his head, amused. 

“Oh! You. You’re Shane. That makes sense. I don’t know why I said that. Sorry.” Ryan stumbled over his words. “Hi, Shane. I’m Ryan.” 

“I know.” 

“Right. I forgot.” 

This was going well. Ryan wanted to walk into the ocean. Where ever that was. 

Once again clearing his throat, because at this point he was afraid of the words that were building up in there, he said, “Where, um—Where are we going?” 

Shane turned on his heal and began to walk away. For a moment Ryan thought he might not answer him, but he threw over his shoulder, “Home.” 

That was all Ryan needed to hear. He turned to follow Top H—Shane. They fell into step beside each other in what was, for once, a comfortable silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> but what does it all MEAN?
> 
> Please let me know what you guys think of it!


	4. A Place at the Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " “Have some wine,” the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.  
> Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. “I don’t see any wine,” she remarked.  
> “There isn’t any,” said the March Hare.  
> “Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,” said Alice angrily.  
> “It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down without being invited,” said the March Hare. "  
> \- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

The sun hadn’t moved, it seemed. Upon further inspection, however, Ryan realized that the sun could not be seen behind the clouds on that overcast day. It was like he was staring upwards into complete nothingness, just an endless abyss of grey light, like the sky had not yet been created.  _ Kind of like  _ Coraline _ , _ he thought, and then immediately regretted ever putting that idea into his own head. 

“So, uh, not to be  _ that guy _ or anything, but are we getting close? I don’t know, it just seems like we’ve been walking for a long time now.” Ryan heard  Shane chuckle, but he didn’t answer Ryan’s question. Ryan tried again:

“What time is it, anyway?”

Shane looked up at the clock that hung on a passing tree. When did that get there? It didn’t have any hands. It didn’t have any numbers-- just tick-marks. Shane shook his head and looked down at his watch. When did _ that _ get there? 

“It’s about half-past.”

Ryan blinked. There was a beat of dumb silence.

“Half-past... what?”

Shane shrugged. Ryan was  remarkably close to grabbing those shrugging shoulders and shaking them until their owner lost consciousness. But Ryan knew he needed his lanky tour guide fully functional, so he repressed that urge. He  probably wouldn’t be able to reach anyway.

After a  bit more time walking (Ryan  couldn’t fully measure it in minutes or seconds or hours or the  like, because he  wasn’t totally sure how long any of those were anymore), They came upon the end of  an exceedingly long table. 

This table had chairs down the length of it, and each chair had a place card with a name on it. Some names that Ryan recognized, others he did not.

Curly, Jen, Quinta, Keith...

He followed Shane towards the head of the table, glancing down at each card. 

Andrew, Eugene, Kelsey,  _ Brent. _

Huh. He knew a Brent. Crazy coincidence.

“Hey, Ryan,” Someone who was Not Shane said.

Looking up, Ryan noticed that they had arrived at the top of the table. Shane was sitting to the left of the head seat, which was empty. Across from Shane, to the right of the head, sat a young man. Dyed silver-white hair stuck out from beneath a brown top hat (what is it with these guys and top hats?). He wore a crimson blazer, adorned with a gold pocket  watch and had a cup of hot tea in his hand. Round glasses sat on his nose, so really his whole  getup made him look like an old-timey professor, wise beyond his years. The real kicker though, the thing that shocked  R yan into speechlessness, were the ears. He had full rabbit’s ears coming from his head. 

His eyes flitted to Shane. He, too, had a cup of tea in his hand. Ryan looked Shane over again, trying to find ridiculousness in his outfit again, but this new arrival’s own wardrobe  made Ryan’s button-down and jeans feel out of place.

To break the already-way-too-long silence, Shane cleared his throat.

“why don’t you have a seat?” He gestured to the seat at the head of the table. 

Sure enough, the place card read  _ Ryan Bergara.  _ Ryan nodded. Sliding into the seat, he took note of Shane’s place card, and of the other man’s, which read  _ Steven Lim.  _ Shakily, Ryan extended a hand to his left. 

“Hey, uh, Steven, is it?” 

Steven smiled warmly.

“I’m so glad you can read.” 

Ryan didn’t hear any malice. He smiled sheepishly. When he didn’t respond, Steven spoke again.

“Do you want some tea?”

A cup of tea appeared before Ryan. He did his best to hide his surprise. It didn’t work very well. 

“I don’t- I don’t really drink tea. Thanks, though.”

“That’s fine. Coffee, then?”

The cup was now filled with coffee. This is not normal. What is going on.  _ Don’t panic, Ryan _ .  _ Everything's  _ fine _ , Ryan.  _ With another grateful smile, he slowly lifted the coffee to his lips.

A sudden outburst of laughter had Ryan spitting the coffee out before he had even gotten a chance to taste it. With a sinking feeling that he was the target of the laughter, he turned to Shane, who was currently red in the face.

“What? What is it? What did I do?” 

Wiping tears from his face, Shane tried to catch his breath.

“No- No, nothing. Nothing, I swear it’s just--” He paused, wheezing again. “You’re so, like, anxious right now. What are you afraid of? Like, what’s wrong, dude?”

Ryan Blinked.

“Poor Steven offers you coffee and you’re like, fucking, shaking! What—d'you think we poisoned it or something? Jesus, ha. You’re a riot. Should stop staring though. S'kinda rude.”

Ryan looked down at his coffee, and then at his shaking hands. He couldn’t think of a good reason. He was just stupid paranoid. 

“I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m just, like--I'm just-- I’m lost, right? I have no idea where I am, I have no idea how I got here, I have no idea who  _ you _ are,  _ that guy-- _ ” __ He motioned to Steven, “He has ears, none of the clocks work, you both look like fucking—fucking Disney characters, this coffee might be tea, I might be dreaming, I might be dead--”

“Woah, woah!” Shane held up his hands to stop Ryan’s ramblings. “I was with you in the first half, but you’re not dreaming, and you’re definitely not dead.”

“How do you know? I could be a ghost!”

“Ghosts aren’t real.”

“That’s not even remotely true.”

Shane sighed.  “Th at’s is a conversation for another time.”

Ryan ran his finger s through his hair. “I feel like I'm going insane.” He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I think I'm actually going mad.”

“We’re all a little mad here.” Steven chirped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaaaaay it's steven!
> 
> Also everyone go check out seasons_of_supernatural. She's great and i love her


	5. Wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I do wish I hadn’t drunk quite so much!"
> 
> -Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

_ We're _ _ all a little mad here, he had said _

That phrase sparked something in Ryan.

“I should hope not,” He chuckled. “That would be a mess.” 

He opened his mouth, then closed it again, grasping at whatever memories came with that line.

“What’s that from?” he asked, finally. “That’s from something right?”

Steven  flushed a little . He looked away. Weird. Ryan turned to Shane only to see a similar reaction.  Shane’s hand had found its way to the back of his neck, rubbing sheepishly.  _ I wonder  _ _ wh _ _ \-- _ Ryan did not have time to finish his thought before he blurted out:

“Wonder!”

Two confused and slightly shocked looks met his unfiltered outburst. Ryan shook his head, smiling because  _ it was so obvious.  _ He  couldn’t believe he didn’t get the quote sooner.

“Wonder ! L ike Wonderland ? ” He explained to them, as if it was the  simplest connection in the world that any idiot could have  understood and not the incredible leap  that  he had just made  in his own head.  “Like  _ Alice in Wonderland _ !  That's what the quote is from.”

Ryan saw through his excitement that Steven and  Shane shared a look. What did that mean? It probably  didn’t matter.

He shook his head and  continued, now talking directly to S teven : “Yeah, it’s from the part in the book where Alice meets the  Cheshire cat on her way to see the... ” He trailed off; the words having fallen back into his throat as he took in Steven’s visage. The glasses, the coat, the hat, the _ ears _ , all of it, and the pieces started to fall into place.

“...The March Hare,” he breathed. Turning to Shane with the same terrifying inkling, he saw his hat, his hair, his stature. He remembered their first interaction. 

“ ... And the Mad Hatter.” Ryan brought a shaking hand to his face and stared blankly down the length of the t able. This all made sense, in a sort of mixed-up, screwed-up,  _ this  _ _ can’t _ _ be real _ kind of  way. There were a few beats of silence . It was too long. Ryan was itching with questions.

“Where am I, really?” He  didn’t try to hide the hostility that found its way into his voice. He needed to know. 

More silence.  These guys loved to talk, but as soon as Ryan had questions, they shut up. Typical. 

“ _ Where am I?” _

Three pairs of eyes threw glances at each other; some filled with confusion, some with embarrassment, some with  uncertainty. 

Shane cleared his throat.

“I mean, you already kind of guessed it, bud.” His tone was sheepish. Ryan gritted his teeth.

“I’m not your ‘Bud’.”

“Right, sorry. I’m just trying to--”

“To what?” the retort had fallen out of  R yan’s mouth at a volume that was just slightly too loud. Steven’s eyes darted towards the trees.

Shane leaned forward , his voice low and hushed as he spoke. “Look, I need you to lower your voice.”

Ryan’s eyebrow hitched in  challenge .  “Why? Am I embarrassing you in front of the family?” he said, gesturing to the trees. A little lame, he’ll admit, but he’s angry and no one’s keeping score. 

“Ryan, we  _ can’t _ talk about this here. You don’t understand--”

In an outrage, Ryan stood up, slamming his hands on the table. “You’re damn right I don’t understand! Someone needs to explain to me what the actual  _ fuck _ is going on before I flip  this  _ goddamn table over-- _ ” .

Steven rose slowly,  R yan’s  long neglected teacup in his hands. In one smooth movement, he had thrust it into Ryan’s grasp.

“We’ll explain everything, I promise!” His hastily chosen words were meant to be calming, Ryan assumed. “Just drink you r tea first, please.” They had an adverse effect.

Ryan looked at the cup, filled partway to the top with clear liquid that smelled of mint.

“I  told you  don’t like tea.” His tone was not unlike that of a stubborn child’s.

“Coffee, then.” Steven offered with a hesitant smile.

Glancing back down at the cup, he saw that it was now filled with a dark, swirling liquid.  Ryan was tired, and this cup smelled like cinnamon and mornings and alertness and all those other things that Ryan wished he knew better.  Reluctant, h e took a small sip. And then another.

It  didn’t taste like coffee, per se, but it felt like it. It had the consistency of hot cocoa, but it felt like  he was drinking pure sunlight, warm and golden and filled with the pleasant buzz of life. Under his skin, he felt that buzz pass through his whole body , and when it reached his head, it dulled to a hum. From there, the hum dulled into a numbing sensation, like he was floating , but he  couldn’t feel his legs anymore, or the cup in his hands. 

He looked up at Steven and Shane, th o se  bizarre strangers \-- he looked  _ up _ at them. What a  peculiar  angle he was viewing them from. Their movements were blurred and quick, hues blending like  watercolors. 

He hear d noise that had the cadence of speech, but he  couldn’t understand it.  Was he underwater? Had he fallen into his coffee? 

All Ryan new for sure was that he was  extremely tired and that his entire body ach ed for sleep.  Eyelids like lead,  Ryan succumbed  to drowsiness and let himself sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's play a game called How Many Times Can Ryan Pass Out In This Story?  
> The poor thing, he's just so tired. Same tbh. 
> 
> This one's a wee bit short, i think, so, sorry about that one.  
> Anyway, i'm working on chapter 6, so never fear. Once school ends for me i'll have a lot more time to write.
> 
> Please let me know what you think! i love seeing your comments!


	6. If you hear something, say nothing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "`Really, now you ask me,’ said Alice, very much confused, `I don’t think–‘  
> `Then you shouldn’t talk,’ said the Hatter. "  
> \- Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

When Ryan awoke, his first thought was _I keep passing out. I should probably get that checked out. Maybe I need more sleep._

His next thoughts were directed towards that fact that there was some alien weight on his abdomen. Blinking sleep out of his eyes and looking around the room, he noticed that he was in a bed—not his own, _damn_ ,-- and the weird weight was buzzing. Growling?

No, _purring_. It’s a cat.

There was an orange cat curled up on top of Ryan. Innocuous enough, fast asleep. He reached down to pet the soft fur, but the touch woke the cat. Immediately it began climbing up him, sniffing at his face and ticking his nose with its whiskers. It was too close. He was going to—oh no—

_ACHOO!_

The sneeze sent the cat scrambling backwards, and Ryan had to scrunch his nose to hold in another one.

“Excuse me!” he called out, hopefully not to deaf ears, “Can someone get this cat, please?” He listened expectantly for a few moments. Nothing. The cat started to inch back towards him.

He tried once more because it seemed like _third-time’s-the-charm_ should be the motto for wherever he is. “I’m _allergic_! Hello!”

The door opened, finally, revealing Shane's hesitant face. He stopped halfway through the doorway to whisper, “Obi, scat!”, and the cat disappeared. Literally.

Ryan blinked, because his mind _had_ to be playing tricks on him. This place is bad for his sanity. Yet, the can was still nowhere to be found. Ryan rubbed his nose.

“Yeah, sorry about that. He loves people.” Shane chuckled. “I should’a remembered you’re not a cat person.”

“Wha- uh, no. No I'm-- not really, no.”

Houdini in cat form, and now, apparently, Psychic Shane. Ryan didn’t have time to unpack all of that. One thing at a time before his brain explodes. Shane came to sit on the edge of the bed. Was it Shane’s bed? That would make sense. It was long enough.

“That was Obi, by the way.” Shane explained, and cleared his throat. “Sorry again. He does that sometimes.”

“Disappear?”

“What, no--” Shane shook his head once, then paused. “Well, I mean, yes, he does do that. But I meant like, he climbs on people. He likes to be in other people’s space. I don’t know. He likes the attention.”

Ryan chuckled. Mood.

He didn’t respond. _So, a cat that disappears. A Cheshire cat._ The _Cheshire cat. The weirder this place gets, the more it makes sense._

For a few beats, Shane tapped his fingers on his leg and stared at a spot on the floor. He had that familiar look that told Ryan that he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure how.

When Shane finally opened his mouth to talk, Ryan was all ears.

“I know you want to know what earlier was all about.” Shane hesitated. Ryan nodded encouragingly.

Shane sighed and tilted his head towards the ceiling. “So…” He started, “This place, here, it’s not like your world—”

Ryan muttered something like “yeah, no shit,” under his breath.

“It’s a lot more entertaining, sure, but super nonsensical.” He turned towards Ryan, perhaps seeking permission to continue.

“Like Wonderland.” Ryan whispered, still not completely understanding where Shane was going with this.

Nonetheless, Shane nodded. “Like Wonderland, yeah. But the reason we couldn’t talk outside is because you never know who might be listening.” A pause, and then:

“The Trees, they have ears.”

“Literally?” It felt a little silly to ask, but at this point, it wasn’t impossible, and Ryan just had to make sure.

But according to the look Shane gave him, it was a dumb question. “Uh, yeah?”.

Ryan blinked. He had asked the question to clarify this very thing, but he was still unprepared to hear it confirmed. The Trees had ears. What the fuck.

“They’re like teenage girls. They love gossip. They’ll tell just about anyone what they’ve heard, so we had to be careful. That’s how we knew you were here, but we couldn’t talk too much because I’m not sure if He knows yet.”

The obvious question fell off of Ryan’s tongue: “He?”

“Yeah. He. The King.”

 _Of hearts? ,_ Ryan thought

“I don’t know if he knows you’re here yet” Shane continued. “I hope he doesn’t yet. We’re not going to have a good time once he finds out.” He gave an exasperated sigh and lowered his head into his hands.

“Wait, wait, why?”

Shane looked up. “What do you mean?”

“Why can’t he know I’m here?” Ryan’s heart rate began to pick up. This guy sounded powerful and evil and he was _looking for Ryan_. This was a recipe for disaster.

Shane looked at him for a few moments, brows furrowed, with a face that Ryan couldn’t read. He looked so familiar. Why couldn’t Ryan place him?

“How much do you remember?” Shane asked quietly. When Ryan didn’t respond, he clarified. “About me. Or Steven. Or Unsolved. Anything. How did you get here?”

Ryan clicked his tongue, remembering back to this morning (or earlier, or even later, honestly, what even is time anymore). “Well, I got here via hole. It was in the break room and I fell into it. Unsolved—” _How did Shane know about Unsolved?_ “—It’s a web show I do with my friend Brent. For work. We talk about unsolved crimes and mysteries.”

Shane chuckled at that. Ryan didn’t know why. “Hence the name.”

The smile that appeared on Ryan’s face was gone as quickly as it appeared. “Yeah, ha. Hence the name.” He cleared his throat. “As for you and Steven, uh, well, you both look super familiar. Like, I definitely know you from somewhere, but…” He sighed. Shane looked crestfallen for a millisecond, and then was back to his resting face. Ryan caught it, though.

After another godforsaken beat of silence—god, what was it with these guys and awkward pauses?—Ryan decided the air was too heavy. Time to lighten it up.

“So, his king guy. King of hearts? Going with the wonderland theme, here.”

Shane gave a small half-laugh-half-breath. “No, the King of Hearts has been gone for a while. I don't know if he'll ever be back. This guy’s The King of Spades or something. We all just call him _The King_ though. No need for distinction of there’s only one, right?”

The air in the room was still too tense. Maybe The King was a delicate subject for Shane? Ryan had to diffuse this tension somehow, though, so he forged on.

“Uh, so, what about me? How did I get here? I mean I know _how_ , but like, holes to alternate worlds aren’t really super common in break rooms, I don’t think.”

Shane tilted his head, considering that. “We brought you here, I think. It was our plan, Steven and me. Steven got the hole to open up, thanks to some rabbit friend of his.” Shane laughed, a tired but fond sound. “Honestly, we weren’t sure it was going to work. We were afraid we would catch someone else and they’d be stuck here too.”  
Shane then looked at Ryan directly for the first time since he had entered the room. “I’m glad it worked. It’s been too long, Ry.”

At a loss for words, Ryan took to tracing the patterns of the quilt on the bed, trying to compute all the information he had just heard. King of Spades is probably out to kill him, Shane and Steven brought him here on purpose, there was a possibility that it wouldn’t work, Steven had rabbit friends, they could have accidentally gotten someone else and—“ _and they’d be stuck here too.”_

Oh. Stuck here. That was comforting.

“Am I stuck here?” Ryan tried to speak in a quiet voice, but he still managed to make Shane jump the slightest bit. With one eyebrow raised, Shane turned to him, which elicited an even quieter “Sorry…”

Shane’s eyes darted from Ryan to his own hands and back again, calculating his next words thoroughly.

“No,” He said. “No, you’re not stuck here. You’re the only one who can get us out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!
> 
> 1) The purring/growling bit is a nod to another lewis carroll quote from The Pig and the Pepper (chapter 6 of Alice's adventures in wonderland) when she'd speaking to the cheshire cat.   
> " “To begin with,” said the Cat, “a dog’s not mad. You grant that?”  
> “I suppose so,” said Alice.  
> “Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see a dog growls when it’s angry, and wags it’s tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.”  
> “I call it purring, not growling,” said Alice.  
> “Call it what you like,” said the Cat. "  
> i just like it a lot
> 
> 2) i do not mean to offend any teenage girls with my Trees. I, too, am a teenage girl and can say confidently that i do not like gossip. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this so far!! Each and every one of you, please accept this socially distanced hug from me.


	7. Not like it used to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”  
> \- Lewis Carroll

“Ok, so, to recap: you and Shane stuck here?”

Steven nodded across the table at Ryan. “Like a wheel in the mud, my friend.”

“And why is that, again? Shane didn’t really go into detail.”

Steven took a long sip from his teacup and leaned back in his chair. “Shane likes to be cryptic.”

Ryan laughed at that. “You seem more sensible than him,” he said, taking a sip from his own cup. Matcha, like Steven’s. Steven eyed Ryan’s cup.

“Sorry, uh, I thought you didn’t like tea?”

“I don’t, usually, but the tea here doesn’t taste like the tea back home.”

Steven made a funny face. Ryan wanted to say it was nostalgia, maybe? Or something sadder? Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

“Is everything—” Ryan started.

Steven leaned across the long table, waving Ryan closer. “Listen,” He said, his voice just above a whisper. “I shouldn’t be saying anything about this while we’re outside, but if we leave now, it won’t look as suspicious.” He started gathering up empty dishes as he spoke, just slowly enough to seem casual, unplanned.

“Wait, about what?” Ryan whispered back.

Steven put a finger to his lips, then pointed it down at the cups. “We should really clean up, Ryan. It’s getting late.” His voice was a little _too_ loud; it was almost theatrical.

Ryan furrowed his eyebrows at him, afraid to speak, but a nod towards the trees from Steven was all it took to remind him. The trees had ears. Fuck, he’d forgotten all about them.

Clearing his throat, he said, “Yes, Steven,” just _slightly_ too late for it to be inconspicuous. “I’ve got these dishes. I’ll bring them inside.”

Steven rolled his eyes and walked back towards the house. Ryan threw a quick glance over his shoulder, picked up his cup, and followed.

\---

Steven had set the dishes on the counter already by the time Ryan made it inside. He leaned up against it and took his glasses off his face. Using the edge of his coat, he wiped them down.

Ryan stood awkwardly in the center of the kitchen, hands, now empty and devoid of purpose, fidgeting. The silence and suspense were mixing in a pit in his stomach. There was a clock somewhere around here ticking too loudly. Everything felt like it was buzzing with nerves.

“We—” Steven paused, gathering his thoughts. “—How do I say this correctly? Shane and I, we’re not… from here.” His voice was stilted, and he hadn’t yet looked up from the glasses he was still meticulously scrubbing.

This caught Ryan off guard. Whatever he had been expecting Steven to say, it sure as hell hadn’t been that. The buzzing had turned into a full-body shudder, if

“From… where? Like, _here_?” Ryan searched for a better word. He didn’t find one. “…Wonderland?”

As soon as he said this, two things happened: First, Steven laughed, presumably because of how ridiculously serious Ryan sounded, and Second, a plate from the top of the stack on the counter shattered onto the floor, presumably because the ground had started to shake violently a few moments ago.

“Oh no.” Steven said, enough fear in his voice to make Ryan’s stomach drop. “Oh _shit.”_

Shane cam clambering down the stairs, breathing heavily. “The window...” He puffed. “Out the window!” When he was met with blank stares, he threw a pointed finger at the window behind them. “ _Look out the window!”_

More plates clattered to the ground as the three men raced to the windowsill. Outside, trees were uprooting themselves, clearing a path straight through the forest. Straight to them.

“ _Fuck_ , he knows.” Shane hissed, pushing himself away from the window. He looked around frantically. “Steve, we gotta hide him or something. We can’t let Him take Ryan again!”

Steven was nodding vigorously as Shane spoke, all but frozen to his spot as objects fell off walls around them.

“Hide me?” Ryan repeated, heart beating fast in his chest.

“Well, we can’t stay here,” Steven stepped out of the way of a piece of debris falling from above. “The house is practically imploding.”

Ryan shook his head. Maybe they hadn’t heard him the first time. “ _Hide me?_ ” He said louder.

“Yeah, _yeah_ , shut up for a sec. let me think.” Shane threw a hand up at Ryan and closed his eyes.

“Bro, we don’t have time for this!” Ryan began to frantically search for exits. Out the front window he saw a group of people on horseback approaching from the distance. They were moving fast. _Shit._

Shane’s eyes squeezed tighter and he brought his hand to the side of his head. Steven bounced, antsy, from foot to foot. He looked up at the ceiling, which had begun to crack and splinter.

“Come on, Shane!” Ryan snapped, and Shane’s eyes flew open.

He looked at Steven, eyes alight.

“Sara.”

Steven raised his arms to his head like he had just won the lottery. “Sara!”

Ryan titled his head. “Sara?”

The question went unanswered; Shane had already grabbed Ryan’s wrist and was dragging him towards a door he had never seen before, Steven in tow.

No one bothered to shut the door behind them as they bolted into the woods behind the house. The doorframe collapsed, anyway, along with the ceiling and the thatched roof.

No matter: they weren’t coming back. They were off to find someone named Sara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lets just all pretend that it HASN'T been 4 months since I last updated this story. Ha. Yikes.
> 
> I hope that Sara being in this makes up for it.
> 
> Stay healthy! Stay safe! Stay sane!  
> I love you all so so much <3


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